Dog mines, diaper bombs, and coffee kids.

Artist Turns DNA From Chewed Gum Into Sculptures” the article in Popular  Science said. My brain immediately grumbled to myself, “Goddamn hipsters and their coffee cups on our fence and walls… They’re all for saving the planet but not if it means giving up cigarettes and paper cups of coffee that they litter on our front yard!”


Then my brain made the jump to collecting their garbage and rendering busts along our fence posts like macabre trophies of war. Then my brain said, “NO! The dog poop droppers and their canines!… NO, the used condom tossers, the Taco Bell bag dumpers, the ashtray emptiers, the Walmart plastic bag wasters!!!” Every single litter bug and their thoughtless “but it’s me!” moment of judgement in using our property and play area for our kids as their garbage dump.

I’ve been you, we all have, but it ain’t so funny when your toddler is chewing on a cigarette butt like a scene from “Neighbors“.

All of them, I want DNA based created busts of them all to decorate with unicorn horns and warts for our front yard.

Maybe I should create a donation drive to make my dream come true. Title ideas? “Dillholes to Deities”? “Asshats to Art”? “Garbage to Grandeur”? Yeah, you’re right not catchy enough and too flowery. “Litterbug Losers” it is!

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