In The Meantime
I thought I had them completely figured out but they were developing and becoming the next version of themselves in the meantime of me looking away for just a moment.… Read More In The Meantime
Tag: autism
When Your Happy Looks Weird.
Their happiness might look weird to others but it was a barometer of discovering the friends that wanted their brand of weirdness.… Read More When Your Happy Looks Weird.
Decennial of Motherhood
I’ve been doing this job longer than any other in my life and I’m still not sure I’m good at it.
Magical Mispronunciations
How do we inspire hope in our children or ourselves living the way we are now? For me, it’s finding the humor. Like the miniscule moments of hilarity when they misuse an expression or mispronounce a word.… Read More Magical Mispronunciations
Heartwrecked
I will miss my mother the rest of my life. The pain of her loss doesn’t heal or disappear. It becomes part of you.… Read More Heartwrecked
2020 orbisculated us all.
Grapefruit is possibly the only fruit I dislike. Everything about it annoys me until it is added to a soda or a sparkling water, go figure. There’s no sense in that other than our senses don’t need to make any – well, sense. I could list all the things I dislike about fresh grapefruit but… Read More 2020 orbisculated us all.
Pictures of your poop face.
I love you both more than you will ever know and will possibly pass over in shock the moment I’m ever left alone in the bathroom.… Read More Pictures of your poop face.
Don’t read my diarrhea.
If it’s not mispronunciations it’s literal interpretations of idioms with an adherence to a request in an Amelia Bedelia like fashion.… Read More Don’t read my diarrhea.
Just follow the “erections”.
The world has gone mad and I’m being asked to create a Mary Poppins-eque utopia from Pinterest boards and an Amazon account.
My stay-at-home order came nine years ago.
I’ve never felt so alone without ever being alone.… Read More My stay-at-home order came nine years ago.
Thank you for being a friend…
Thank you… Read More Thank you for being a friend…
Harmony at Halloween: All buckets are welcome at our door!
All colors of bucket welcome here! Honor all super heros this holiday.… Read More Harmony at Halloween: All buckets are welcome at our door!
Pesticles and other hazards.
Beware the pesticles and men-o’-claws.… Read More Pesticles and other hazards.
Angry birds and tales of home repairs
One of the benefits of autism is intense focus that can have comical results or at least inspire great art.… Read More Angry birds and tales of home repairs
I see ‘wit my hands!
Idioms, expressions, euphemisms. They’re a reminder of how confusing the world can be for those that are neurodivergent.… Read More I see ‘wit my hands!
Tell me a story.
How did this wondrous creature come into my life?… Read More Tell me a story.
Bye-bye fishies. Hello Five!
“Alright, everyone ready for fishsticks!” “NOOOOO!!!” Owen jumped from his chair and ran screaming from the room, hustling down the hall like a deranged train, as if I set his cars on fire. Leonora and I looked at each other in shared confusion and equal concern. “But Owen loves fish…” “It’s ok, honey. I’ll go… Read More Bye-bye fishies. Hello Five!
Pre-soil and repeat.
Never would I guess that I would have to explain why we don’t plug up the toilet.… Read More Pre-soil and repeat.
The “F” word.
Sometimes the “f” word is foul.… Read More The “F” word.
Once a mummy, always a mummy.
“You see coffee is what keeps mama from feeling like I need a coffin and a coffin is where I’ll finally get to sleep.”… Read More Once a mummy, always a mummy.
Others like me.
At first, I wrote about my pregnancy in a blog because I wanted a journal for my kids that they could access at any time down the road. Then I continued it not for just them but as a life line for myself. As a way to process my turmoil, to feel less alone, with… Read More Others like me.
I do ME-self!
I need to rethink my life’s social story.… Read More I do ME-self!
I, Owen!
Most parents dread kids’ birthday parties if they know any better. (If you don’t, please explain to me your trick for navigating children’s social politics as well as their parent’s.) … Read More I, Owen!
Threats, bluffs, and tears
You can’t take off naked.… Read More Threats, bluffs, and tears
Waiting for snow.
The octaves correlate with the humidity and the temperature is only exceeded by my blood pressure.… Read More Waiting for snow.
Pneumostome
Ever wish you had an extra air hole to breathe through?… Read More Pneumostome
Acceptance is a far off destination.
Cathexis. Definition, the concentration of mental energy on one particular person, idea, or object (especially to an unhealthy degree). I’d never heard of this word until yesterday. It’s an accurate label for this phase of my life and for the many parents, like myself, that have kids with special needs. It takes a dedication and… Read More Acceptance is a far off destination.
I have a rash on my head.
There are so many topics they don’t prepare you for in those birthing and parenting books, so many things I wish someone had been honest with me about before I had Nora, and to that point I say to my friend two months away from giving birth to her first child, “Greer, this one is… Read More I have a rash on my head.
Did you “eeear” me?
It’s hard to trust that his progress won’t regress at some point because the, truth is, it might since it has before. Yet, even if it does, I now know he can do the work…… Read More Did you “eeear” me?
Resuscitation of Hope
“Special needs” means just that, a need, not a limitation.… Read More Resuscitation of Hope
I miss me too.
It would be dishonest of me to say I don’t miss my old life. I do, but not most of it, just my friends. Ok, and maybe my waistline, being able to talk on the phone, sleeping in, using the bathroom by myself but, still, mostly my friends. New Year’s Eve reminded me of that… Read More I miss me too.
Politely Defiant
“No, ‘tanks. Not yet…No, thank YOU.” I hear this statement frequently from Owen. It epitomizes his character and willful spirit. Even as he is defying you he is doing so politely. He is kind yet abrupt and I love him all the more for it and find it to be true of most people I… Read More Politely Defiant
Awakening
He posed for a photo radiating pride for himself that can only be eclipsed by our own for him. Owen posing and saying “cheese”, asking for his photo to be taken, a simple action with so much meaning after these first three years of his life. Most might underestimate how unusual this is or the… Read More Awakening
I love you too.
When a child is first learning to speak, conversations are not all that unlike speaking to your pet or yourself like you’ve gone mad. In fact, I’ve been on the receiving end of “bitch has gone crazy” looks from many a stranger over these past six years. (But in truth they started back longer than… Read More I love you too.
Pillow Power
We’re pillow people. Correction, the kids and I are pillow people. My husband is not. He’s one of those folks that could sleep on a bare floor with a block under his head. I, on the other hand, am not such a person. As tough as I might be in other areas of my life… Read More Pillow Power
Cheese
I try to say something the kids think is strangely funny or naughty to get them to smile for pictures. When I was a kid, I panicked when someone said “smile” because it normally meant I was suppose to hide being scared or that I was injured. It’s that feeling of being anxious and having… Read More Cheese
Real names for real stuff.
The over share. That moment when your child ups the ante, tilts your world, and calls you out. When all the self-esteem boosting, the positive parenting, the talks about “using your words” and “speaking up” comes around to bite you in the ass. Or, in this case, my uterus. It was an average Wednesday in… Read More Real names for real stuff.
Acute exhaustion.
Bilateral acute otitis media (a.k.a screaming nonverbal child, a.k.a. maternal tinnitus, a.k.a. sudden depression), better known as double ear infection and raging fevers. “Poor baby, he must be in so much pain.” He is and so am I. Physically from being headbutted, scratched, and trying to hold forty pounds of a thrashing body so he… Read More Acute exhaustion.
Fork you and your words.
Owen was two. He was speaking seventeen words. He told his dad he loved him. I barely could get him to say “mama”. Home with him every hour of the day and he tells his father, “I love you.” I was Barbara’s jealous resentment. He rarely kissed. If he did it was without using his… Read More Fork you and your words.
Keenly aware you annoy me.
Kids interpret instructions too literally at times. Autistic kids take it to new levels. For instance, I use the refrain, “Use your words not your hands!” I did so over breakfast as the kids wrestled over a toy. In frustration over the disagreement, unable to voice his thoughts at that moment, Owen threw his arms… Read More Keenly aware you annoy me.
The doll will show him.
Nora said, “I want a baby doll that looks like Owen so he knows I love him and I can hold him.” I hugged her and bit back tears, “You are so kind…he knows you love him. Someday he’ll say it to you too but, trust me, he knows that you love him. He loves… Read More The doll will show him.
When a duck says “cock”.
The doorbell rings for a package and Owen checks to make sure it’s the postal carrier he likes. It is, I breathe a sigh of relief that Owen won’t be stripping in anger, and I greet Dave as I open the door. He says hello to Owen, “Hey, buddy, good job keeping your clothes on.” … Read More When a duck says “cock”.
Mama, the baby is stuck again!
“What NOW, Owen?” I’m not proud of that lament but I’m driven to it by noon on a good day. Considering I’ve been up since 3 a.m., that makes it happy hour in some time zones for those without children. So imagine my surprise when I discovered my baby stuck in the cat door. It’s… Read More Mama, the baby is stuck again!
Papa playtime requires protective gear
My husband, Jamie, is meticulous and cautious by nature and trade. He spends his days as an engineer and prides himself on being thorough, accurate, and heading off trouble. Then there’s his play time with Owen. Owen has no sense of fear. He’ll jump from anything and run head long without sensing any imminent danger… Read More Papa playtime requires protective gear
Rock, Paper, Broken Glass
There’s certain truths of parenting, the Murphy’s Law of raising humans, that when you absolutely need things to go your way they probably won’t. Forgot the extra diaper? The baby is going to crap and play with it while he’s in the shopping cart. Your kid forgot to take their lunch to school? Today is… Read More Rock, Paper, Broken Glass
I’m not brave.
Today has been good. I wanted to wait to write this on such a day. A day where I actively feel gratitude and blessed for my children. A day where Owen going down for a nap is a happy smile of contentment and not the exhausted deflation of relief I feel most days after listening… Read More I’m not brave.
HAVE A GOOD DAY!
Owen and I were holding hands as we walked back to the car along the sidewalk from dropping off Nora for school. Drop-off is always hard for him and today was the first time, after a month, that he didn’t cry. He loves his sister so much but he shows it in ways that are… Read More HAVE A GOOD DAY!
Must speak Martian and other skills required.
First, I apologize for taking a brief break. Second, where am I? No, really, (to quote the Talking Heads) “Is this my beautiful life?” Does anyone remember that feeling of panic when they said you could leave the hospital with your baby and your reaction was “no”? I do, many times over. It’s that same feeling… Read More Must speak Martian and other skills required.
Kelso Kids 
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